The following is a college mission statement. Let’s see if you can guess the institution it comes from:

The scheme, then, is first, an educational institution in its most comprehensive sense. Its definition of education is that it is the united symmetrical development and instruction of the religious, the intellectual and the physical qualities of the man. It recognizes the whole man, in all the departments of his being, as the object of its care. Its aim is not to instruct merely, not to impart knowledge merely, but to awaken, to develop, to train, and to discipline all the latent inborn powers and faculties of the man, that he may command them for the high and noble uses of which they may be capable or for which they were designed… a home for the virtuous, where morality, industry and a thirst for knowledge shall unite for the advancement of the student and the prosperity of the institution.

Hard to believe that this was from my alma mater, the University of Maryland back in 1862 when it was called the Maryland Agricultural College. Let’s update the statement to fit its current mission 2016:

The scheme, then, is first, an educational environment in its most subjective sense. Its definition of education is that it is the indoctrination and inculcation of iconoclasm, over-sensitivity and the sexual preference of the evolved person. It recognizes one’s authentic self, in all the departments of her being, as the object of its care. Its aim is not to instruct at all, not to impart knowledge at all, but to deaden, to destroy, to ruin, and to eradicate all the socially constructed morals and narratives of human tradition, that she may shed them for the unequal and enslaving uses for which they were designed… a home for the empowered, where relative moralism, solipsism and a disdain for everything sacred shall unite for the individual rights and entitlement of the student and the overpriced bureaucratization of the institution.

Yep, sounds about right.